If I told you once I’ve told you a million times, no need to exaggerate

Drive from Under Canvas Camp to Klein’s Camp – We were leaving the Mara River area in the northern Serengeti and heading to Klein’s Camp with is further east, I think.

When I hear someone use the word “millions” I immediately tune out whoever is talking. It is simply an overused, exaggerated, cliché of a number. With that said, I cannot believe how many millions of wildebeests and zebras we have seen in the past several days. Today was get up early, have breakfast, and then drive from one camp to the next. We were lucky enough to have Robert drive us from Under Canvas Camp to Klein’s Camp. Klein’s will be our newest temporary, yet more fixated to the ground home for the next few nights.

I don't think they did this

I don’t think they did this

The drive was several hours, but was completely through the Serengeti Park. Then entire drive is easily classified as a game drive. We saw some of every animal on the way out of the park. Driving was a good idea for several reasons. First, no small plane for Wifey. This reduces the possibility of me loosing a hand or arm due to blood loss. Second, a game drive from point A to point B. Third, we actually made it there faster. Even though it

Will she take a bite?

Will she take a bite?

was only a 20-minute shuttle bus flight, each airstrip was an hour from the camps. It would have been over an hour drive, 20-minute flight, and then another 1+ hour drive. That is a ridiculously stupid way to travel, and I made sure to tell everyone that is what I thought.

One of the highlights of the trip happened on the drive between camps. We were motoring down the dirt road with nothing in site except for the land and scatterings of wildlife. Out of nowhere a big heard of gazelles ran up on our right hand side. They ran along side of our jeep that was going at least 30 MPH. This lasted for about a minute and then they crossed in front of us at full sprint. You could tell that Robert also enjoyed the moment. He actually punched the gas to watch the gazelles keep up along side of us. It was obvious that when the gazelles wanted to cross, they would. No 30 MPH jeep was going to stop them. It was quite a surreal, Africa only moment.

When we did finally exit the Serengeti Park, we were on the lands that belonged to the Maasai tribes, and near their villages. Our next destination, Klein’s Camp, is a private concession of land that is leased from the Maasai people. The camp is located in a gorgeous game-filled valley. Per their description it has everything, wooded hillsides, rolling grasslands, midgets in tiaras, and forested riverbanks. I would soon find out they were not lying. The camp only has 10 rooms situated at the top and on one side of the mountain overlooking the valley. It is unbelievably impressive. The camp and company that own the camp lease the land from the Maasai. Through this arrangement the camp is allowed to have their lodge here, show horrible tourists the animals, and in exchange the Maasai people get money from the company and visitors for their village. The company also boasts that they have set up schooling and medical clinics in and near the local tribes villages. I want to believe it is beneficial to the local Maasai people.

We are planning to visit the Maasai village one day while we are here. It is a weird and hard for me to comprehend relationship. I am assured that the arrangement between the Maasai tribe and Klein’s Camp is mutually beneficial. I am sure that is just my ugly American white guilt kicking in. I can’t help where I was born or which sperm I hatched from. I am looking forward to seeing the village and visiting with the people. It will be a much more cultural experience then we had last year, and probably ever had in my life.

Once here at Klein’s we got situated. We met our ranger/tracker for the next few days. I decided to take the night off and just stay in. I developed a case of cuckoo belly somewhere along the road today. It ended up being a good idea that I took the night off and not go on the game drive. I had to take 2 showers…if you know what I mean. Diarrhea shit all over the place. So Wifey went out alone on the game drive and then we had dinner together at our room. You can read about whatever happened tonight at her blog if you want. Good luck with that. Even with this minor setback of a sour stomach I am still the luckiest boy alive and Wifey is lucky enough to be along for the ride with me.

Considering a pre-divorce party, AKA wedding? Consider me as the photographer(not really)

Wifey2013-09-28-Fischer-wedding-172 and I went to a wedding yesterday in Wilmington for some close friends. Everything was beautiful. The only unpredictable element, the weather, was perfect. What a lucky couple. I named myself the unofficial photographer. Nobody asked me, but things like that never stopped me before. If you are considering having a giant, expensive party before you get divorced, I might be available to take pictures of the momentous occasion. HERE are a few of the better ones from yesterday. Best wishes to the Fabulous Fischer Family .

2013-09-28-Fischer-wedding-072               2013-09-28-Fischer-wedding-1142013-09-28-Fischer-wedding-367

There is a reason I don’t hang out with people who don’t enjoy cocaine jokes

Day 3 Under Canvas

Newest pictures are HERE.





Sunrise from a hot air balloon and sunset perched on top of a rock where lions come to rest. Quite an amazing start and finish to a completely well rounded day of wonderful-ness. Some things happened in between, but it all seems silly in comparison. Our day started a 4:45am with a pickup by the Turkish hot air balloon operation. After pickup it was an hour drive to our destination, which was nowhere, but in the middle of the Serengeti. Once we arrived nowhere, it was time to take a hot air balloon ride over the Serengeti plains during the Great Migration. That actually sounds good enough to repeat…time to take a hot air balloon ride over the Serengeti plains during the Great Migration.


We were in the air with the sunrise at our back, balloon gently gliding along the Mara River, and not a thing in the world that could ruin this experience. This was our second balloon ride, the first was 12-14 years ago. A hot air balloon ride is a surreal experience, it does not feel like it could be actually happening. The sensation is that you and the hot air balloon are completely stationary high above the earth looking down. Almost like my feet were stuck in cement, and I am high in the air, not moving, watching the world below me continually rearrange itself. Simply amazing!

We saw countless animals. When the gas for the balloon blasted the animals noticed us up in the air, turned to look, and decided we far from mattered. Every once in a while a group would scatter, startled from the noise. I tried to assure those animals that we were not coming to eat them.

The balloon landing was a little rocky, we hit the ground, made 3 bounces forwarded, hung on for dear life, and then we settled safely on the ground and happy to still be breathing. After the landing we were treated to a nice breakfast along the river, an unexpected luxury compliments of our Turkish Tour Guide. We were informed that every good balloon pilot’s breakfast consists of propane and champagne. I made a great cocaine joke. It had the rhythm, it rhymed, and everything, but for some reason did not go over greatly with anyone except Wifey and I. Breakfast was at a beautiful setting along the river, another perfect place to get pounced upon and then eaten. That did not happen.

After breakfast we were picked up and delivered to Robert at the nearby airstrip. Our new friends the Kiwis and the Indians were leaving today. One of the Indians from New York was a guy named Encore…I met a man named Encore today. I quickly said, “Encore, a name so great I want to hear it again.” I was proud of that line, Encore and his wife were also amused, and I even got a comment about finally hearing a unique joke of his name.

Robert met up with us and we set off on our own for the rest of the day. With nobody else around, we had Robert to ourselves all day, private game drive, head back and sleep all day, rob a bank, whatever we wanted to do. I asked Robert if I could drive for a while. He asked me if I had an African drivers license. I told him that I did. Oddly enough my African drivers license looked exactly like an American 20 dollar bill, except he could keep it. For some reason that did not work.

Since it worked out that the day was ours alone to determine, Robert gave us a short game drive with plans to have us back at camp for lunch. Not a lot was happening where we were. We have seen hundreds of dead animals so far, today was saw a dying gnu. He had a bad back leg injury. He was lying alone, with a pool of blood nearby. It was hard to see, but just an every minute occurrence here in the Serengeti. He had a busted back leg and we are not sure if he could walk or not. The blood nearby was definitely from him, and starting to pool around his leg. We may have seen whoevers dinner that gnu was going to be if we stuck around long enough. We saw an elephant with a severed trunk because of snares left by poachers. Booo. That was sad to see. I don’t mind seeing nature kill nature, but when greedy man gets involved it comes off as ugly. The highlight of the morning was a mini-crossing of the river. We saw several hundred wildebeests crossing at a narrower, shallower area than yesterday. It was a very “intimate” crossing, felt like it was planned just for us. It lasted for about 5 minutes, but was still exciting to witness. Other than that it was the run of the mill, tens of thousands of wildebeests and zebras as far as the eyes can see. We made it back for a late lunch, and a quick rest with plans to meet Robert for a sunset game drive, a romantic trip for the three of us.

Not a lot of action for us in the early evening. We actually saw almost no animals. Quite odd, we think there was a practical joke being played. The weather was great and the sky was beautiful. A storm was threatening off in the distance the entire time. That makes for great scenery and pictures. Earlier in the day we had informed Robert and the Kiwis about geocaching. Neither had heard of it, but both seemed a bit fascinated. We told them there was a hidden treasure inside of another nearby camp, Thompsons Camp. We explained how it worked, etc.…Robert was intrigued enough that HE brought up trying to go find this “hidden treasure” during our evening drive before the sunset. He said to us, “we are going to go try to find this hidden treasure you told me about.” We got within 300 meters, yes meters, I have to adapt to situations when I am treasuring hunting. Robert informed us that it was definitely within the camp and we could not easily get in there. We already knew it was inside the camp from the description, but we were having so much fun watching him have fun following the needle on the compass and four-wheel driving all over the place. He enjoyed himself and the hunt, we could tell. Robert definitely did a great job by humoring me with my stupid nerdy hobby. He also seemed to be humoring himself with the new intriguing activity I called “treasure hunting” with no prize, payout, payoff, or actual treasure.

After the failed, yet fun search, Robert took us to a rock formation that we climbed to the top and sat chatting while watching the sunset for about an hour. Because of the sky and the impending storm, the sunset was gorgeous. We had great conversation. Robert filled us in on his knowledge about the warlords, wars for diamonds, Congo wars, the troubles with the M23 rebels, and how family and marriage work for his tribe. He is getting married in January and his family has to pay a dowry to his bride’s family before they can marry. It was fascinating and completely out of character for me to care about or interact with other humans. I loved it. The sunset turned out to be gorgeous, the company was the best, and the conversation was fun and compelling. As soon as the sun disappeared it was also time for us to disappear. We were after all hanging around in and on a rock formation that lions use for sleeping, shelter, and privately feeding on their prey.

Sunset T & Robert

Sunset T & Robert

After sunset, back at the camp, our walk over for dinner was terrifying. There was a rainstorm that came out of nowhere and was shocking. We had to use umbrellas, galoshes, and get escorted by our young friend John. It was crazy. Luckily we made it there safely. After dinner we sat inside our current canvas home, a tent, listening to the once threatening storm wreak havoc on the outside world. Butt cheeks clenched, hoping our temporary home does not get blown away with us inside. Newest pictures are HERE.

Remnants of a life

Remnants of a life

I knew a giraffes penis should be bigger than that

Day 2 Serengeti Under Canvas

Finally some pictures of wildlife HERE!

We woke this morning to the sunrise right outside of our zippered doorway. The flaps in our tent stayed open overnight, so I woke up facing east with a perfect view of the sunrise over the bush. I am sure it is preplanned to face the east. Regardless, it was quite glorious. Luckily no wild animals or giant spiders that live on our roof ate or poisoned us while we Love or Hate?slept. Today was a long nonstop day. Breakfast at 7am and then on the road at 8 and moving nonstop until 6pm. The layout of the land and earth here is extremely unique from anything I have seen elsewhere. We started the morning off seeing a brand new baby giraffe. It was about a month old and still had the umbilical cord attached. I thought that was a joke from Robert, but no, there was still cord hanging underneath of the giraffe. Now that I am thinking back and typing this, maybe it was a joke and I was snapping photos of a giraffe’s wally. Either way, tiny baby giraffe, lets just leave it at that. The baby was probably not much taller than me. I think I could have tackled it if necessary. The mother was close by, so I did not try anything fishy.

The amount of wildebeests we saw is incomprehensible. There were nonstop swarms and herds in all directions. The herds were giant and look like a bee swarm that was really far off in the distance. I get this image from my memory of giant bee swarms in cartoons.

I can’t stress enough what an excellent difference it is to see the land filled with rock clusters. Later we saw rock climbing elephants and buffalo. They were planted in the middle of a rock outcropping, up high, and all alone. It seemed staged, as if they were solely there for our viewing pleasure. One of the elephants was playing a solo game of king of the hill. Rightfully, nobody wanted to challenge him for the title. He was up on top of a Lone Buffalorock mound just surveying the land. He must be sure footed, we could not figure out how he got up there. Around the corner was a buffalo doing about the same thing. The buffalo was obviously posing for pictures. It had all the makings of a photo opp, minus the tip box. There was no other reason for him to have been where he was.

We took a nice lunch break around midday. Yummy minced meat, couscous, and avocado made into wraps. They really fed the shit out of us, and all delicious foods. After lunch we were back on the trail. The entire day was spent waiting at different crossing points of the Mara River. Sometimes up to thirty minutes. Wildebeests would gather near a crossing and everyone would hope they were going to cross. Watching a crossing of a herd is supposed to be the epic witnessing of a trip to the Serengeti.

We were driving away from our fourth or fifth unsuccessful wait when Robert bottomed out in the middle of a puddle and we got stuck. He is nothing like any other man I know. He heard the wheels spin once, stopped, engaged four-wheel drive, spin again, and he stopped trying. Sissy. As a man it is your duty to floor the gas until you are stuck in the mud up to your eyeballs in and inescapable hole. He called another truck and they were there within minutes. We were out and back on our way within five minutes. Lucky us. My favorite part is that Robert did not even get out to help hook up the tow chain, and when we were free he sped off quickly. No time wasted helping the other ranger bundle up the towrope and put it away. I guess I should not have laughed at those jerkstores that got stuck in the mud the other day.

Later, at our next attempt to check out the riverbanks, Robert commented that he was going to take me to the river. I obviously started singing the hit tune, Take Me to the River by The Talking Heads. Dr. Robert said, “That must be a really popular song, I hear people sing that all the time.” More evidence of what an ordinary, uncreative cheesedick I am.

So back to the Mara River banks for what proved to be another crossing fake out. The wildebeests and zebras will crowd to the edge of the river. The line of 4-legged animals can go on further than the eyes can see. Like staring at a trail of ants off into the distant, blazing sun. Easily tens of thousands all crammed together and falling inline behind whichever animal is lucky enough to be at the front of the line. They meander around, wanting to cross the river. They stare down the slope, thinking about jumping down and swimming across. They look back over their shoulder to make sure their buddy is not daring them to take the dive. Robert told us that it only takes one…if one makes the jump the entire line will follow, sometimes leading to a crossing that can last hours. Just one…that is all we need. I asked Robert to blow the horn, or lets get something happening to startle one of them into the river. And then, for no apparent reason, the entire herd does a 180 and slowly starts walking away from the riverbanks edge. It is a slap in the face to the natural order. That is the best description I can come up with for a Mara River crossing fake out.

We went on to find a lioness with a fresh kill feeding with her three cubs. That was really amazing. We watched for a while and got some great pics. The lioness had the newly deceased wildebeest by the neck and was dragging it into position for feasting. She first Blood is deliciouswent to the soft underbelly, what is clinically called the taint. She does this to rip open an area that most exposes the softest edible parts, the intestines, stomach, yummy things like that. She rips open this area so the cubs can crawl inside the dead wildebeest and nourish themselves. I guess lion cubs have weak teeth and can only east soft food like baby humans and useless old humans. It was quite a site to behold, the sounds of ripping fur, then tearing flesh, then the releasing of gasses when the stomach and intestines are punctured. But it was all worth it to see the baby cubs smile while eating.

Once we started to move on Robert yells that there is dust off in the distance and turns his Land Rover into an Indy car. He said a crossing was happening, so hang on! The wildebeests and zebras crossing the Mara River have to be one of the most amazing natural phenomenons. We waited all day to witness one and I feel so fortunate that we got to see one. It is by far and away the highlight of the entire trip. Nothing could possibly surpass the crossing. It was worth the entire day waiting, and I would have waiting another day had I know what we were in for. The one we witness lasted about 10 minutes. They were making their way into the water in every manner possible. Some were simply walking in, others were diving like Greg Louganis pre-head injury, and many were tumbling down the hill ass over teakettle. Fascinating! Robert estimated about 7000 gnus crossed. I got great pics and some short video. I will never forget the lead up and the witnessing of this crossing, even if I see another bigger one some day.
Maya River Crossing

After that it was time to head back to camp. On the way home we stopped at a shack in the middle of the bush and booked a hot air balloon ride for sunrise tomorrow. It seemed legit. So that is what we are doing tomorrow, a new, different way to die. At least I won’t be someone’s food. Another couple is going to do it as well. In typical young American fashion they asked the question, “Are you fully licensed and insured?” This really gave the rest of the nearby group a big belly laugh. This was a Turkish hot air balloon operator in the middle of the Serengeti in Africa. Of course he is not insured but will say he is completely.


I can’t decide if I would try human meat or not…assuming it was obtained humanely

Day 1 at Serengeti Under Canvas

Africa-2013-221SP picked us up right after breakfast for our 8am flight out of Arusha. The drive to the airstrip was only a few minutes. The check in process for our flight into the Serengeti took a total of 39 seconds. We did not have to show any form of identification, passport, boarding ticket, nada. We just gave our name and said “take me to the Serengeti please”. Actually, I don’t know if we remembered to say please. They just took our word for who we said we were, Brad and Angelina. Once again back on the shuttle bus of planes. We were the fourth “stop”, which meant up and down 4 times. There are no pills in the world that might help Wifey with this. It was not that bad, a little rocky a few times, but the take off and landings were all smooth. I read the entire time, a total of about 90 minutes to get to our stop on the air-born shuttle system.

When we landed at the airstrip our new best friend in the whole world, and guide, Robert, greeted us. They are serious in Africa about making sure tourists get the most out of each day and trip. Robert took us straight away on a game drive from the runway. I guess when your flight stop is in the middle of the bush, next to the Mara River, and our home is an hour away, you can do these kinds of things. We drove around the Serengeti for a couple hours. We hung near the Mara River in hopes of seeing an actual river crossing. A “crossing” is the highlight of this area. People drive for hours to the river in hopes of seeing thousands, tens, or even hundreds of thousands of wildebeests, zebras, and antelopes hightailing their way across the river trying not to get eaten by crocodiles.

No luck for us on a crossing this afternoon. Hopefully one day, a crossing is definitely the thing to see. The Serengeti plains are amazing! To quote Wifey, this is what we’d always pictured Africa to look like. The wildlife last year was amazing, but the scenery was mostly burnt out flat lands. So far today the Serengeti plains had views that spanned across miles of rolling hills with random areas of rock outcroppings. These rocky areas were completely unexpected, a nice surprise. The wild cats and predator animals use the rocks as cover to hide and sneak up on unsuspecting prey. Just like lawyers. Spectacular.

There are bones scattered everywhere. The entire area looks like a wartime battlefield of dead animal bones and carcasses. About every half hour you get the overwhelming stench of death. With millions of animals passing through here currently and recently for the Great Migration, it is safe to assume that not all of them will make it safely to their intended destination. Unless the destination was in someone else’s stomach or strewn haphazardly across the ground. This time of year is the Great Migration through the Serengeti. We saw countless wildebeests and zebras.

We saw our first safari ostriches today with a bunch of babies in tow. I never thought that ostriches were safari animals. We asked for a pit stop to take a leak. When we got out and started to walk behind a bush we scared a hare out of the bush. Another animal I would not have imagined seeing out here. Him getting scared and zooming past us was quite a startle. Driving through the plains today we saw a 4×4 completely stuck in a water crossing and knee deep in mud. Everyone had abandoned the vehicle and were waiting to be rescued. What a rookie driver, hope that does not happen to us.

Just as we were heading to camp to call it quits for the day, 2 lions were spotted. They had just recently feasted and were resting in the shade of a tree. One was sleeping on his back and the other was partly awake. As one rolled over onto his back it looked silly and I el oh el’ed pretty loudly. That woke the lion that was completely asleep. He looked angry, hopefully not with me. I almost got us eaten by a lion. Now that would be a great story to be typing right now.

Back to our camp for the first time, our new temporary, tent, under canvas, sleeping out in the middle of nowhere, place we called home. The entire camp is “temporary” and moves several times a year. There were accommodations for 9 couples. It is a tent, but far from roughing it. It has a full bed and a toilet…of sorts. The shower is a bucket shower, which is the most roughing it there is. We are literally smack in the middle of the bush. It is quite scary when I think back about it. They bragged about having never lost a guest, but I still had to sign my life away. I wonder if they bragged, or lied? It is pretty awesome. As I was typing this I could hear animals grunting within feet of our zippered front door. When we came back tonight from dinner there were 3 zebras within 20 feet of the bed we were going to sleep in. our only protection from a brutal murder by animal is a thin layer of canvas and the hopes that humans do not taste good.

Some lovely pictures of our home, animal spottings, and other idiocy HERE.


Sometimes simply being a tourist is enough

Day 1 in Africa

We woke up in Arusha, Tanzania. How did I get here? We had nothing planned to do for the day, so we slept in late, enjoying having no itinerary. We had some more of that great coffee that was grown right outside our front door. I felt bad drinking the beans from plants that watched us sip away at their relatives.

At noon we met back up with SP, our new best friend in the whole world. He agreed to show us around town today and taste some of the local flavors. Agreed is the Swahili word for hired. First he took us through town. Arusha is quite a hustling and bustling place. It is just like we pictured an African town to look, baskets on heads, babies on backs, roadside markets, and everyone is moving fast with no definitive destination. It was an odd combination of backwoods looking town, miniature city, and authentic African tribal. The driving here is insane. I love a challenge when driving, especially in the big cities where it feels like I am playing a video game. But the situation here is on an entirely different level. I felt like I was watching a crazy movie chase scene in first person. Very exhilarating. We next went to the tanzanite museum/history center. It was very interesting and full of great information considering our personal connection with tanzanite. Knowing the history makes it that much cooler to have some, and to have stumbled upon it by accident while merely trying to find Wifey some pretty bling many years ago. I started buying it for her years ago simply because it caught my eye. It is a single generation gem that is only found in this one place, at the base of Mt. Kilimanjaro. They started mining for it about 30 years ago, and it won’t last much longer. They claim it is much more rare than diamonds. For some reason a rich white lady gets the credit for discovering the tanzanite mine and bringing it to the rest of the world. Luckily I did not bring our credit card and left without making a silly expensive purchase.

After tanzanite city SP took us to lunch. We asked SP to take us to wherever he would have lunch if we were not with him. He thought we were kidding at first, but we were not. We wanted to see and eat local. He had to stop and do some money converting because we wanted to eat where the locals eat and there would be no taking of our filthy US money. We definitely stood out in this open-air food joint. Everybody that saw us did a double take, we were the only white people we saw for hours. Nothing unfriendly or hostile, they hardly cared we were there. The best analogy I can think of is when I see a black guy on a ski slope. I do a double take, and think to myself, what is he doing here? Then I never think of it again. But it is something that is definitely an eye catcher. I look, think how strange that is to see, and then forget completely about it. We liked our food, pretty much just staples prepared with local flare. Over lunch I asked SP if he ever heard of geocaching. He had not. I did my best to explain it to him, I think I did a pretty good job. I think what mainly caught his interest is when I called it “treasure hunting”.

After lunch SP was most accommodating to take us where the only geocache in Arusha is located, and one of only a few within hundreds of miles. When we arrived at GZ we spotted a security guard. SP explained to the guard that the silly white tourists were here to “sign something”. He said it in Swahili and this was my best translation. The guard was very pleasant and handed the container through a fence to us. We signed the log, took a few pictures, and made our way back to the car. I don’t think SP believed us that there would actually be something at the location when we got there. He is now a believer. SP seemed to enjoy the treasure hunt more than I expected. He commented how he could not believe there was something so close to his home like this that he had no idea existed, or never heard of. I told him thank you for helping us, indulging me in my stupid hobby, and reinforced how happy he made me.

After that it was on to a local culture center. That is a fancy term for a place to drop off tourists and hope they buy shit. We thought it was going to be a real museum or cultural experience. It was not that. Wifey bought the required shit and we headed out. SP drove us around town a bit more with no destination until he dropped us back at our place. SP made for an enjoyable day in a place we probably would never have ventured alone. Some good food, lots of information, great sites, a geocache, and fun conversation.

I love knowing that the language of laughter is 100% universal.Africa-2013-015   Africa-2013-037

Engage African Adventure, Take Two

Day 1 and 2

Yet another Sellers adventure is set into motion. Wifey saved up all her money that she scammed from the State of Delaware over the past year and scheduled another African Adventure. This particular plan and itinerary was 9 months in the making. The plans were arranged, rearranged, and then re-rearranged. Finally we had a schedule of what to expect and where we would be visiting. Shots were administered, pills were prescribed, travel insurance bought, all in anticipation of visiting East Africa. The plan was 2 weeks following the Great Serengeti Migration through Tanzania and then off to Rwanda to visit the mountain gorillas and see what, if anything, we could do to help them with their poor excuses for hairdos. The trip has come and gone and already feels like years ago now that we are home. Maybe we got malaria? Maybe we had traveler’s diarrhea? Maybe we adopted a young African child to smuggle home? Maybe hyenas ate us, even though the events have already happened, I don’t want to ruin any of the surprises of my ramblings.

Day one went off without a hitch. Mark the Russian picked us up at noon in Rising Sun for our drive to the Newark airport. It was an easy trip to the airport, riding in the back seat is usually simple. I had been awake for the previous 35 hours before Commie Mark arrived. I got up early the previous morning and spent an awesome day hiking and geocaching with Josh in Cunningham Falls Park. We did 6 strenuous but awesome miles. It was a fun day to put a close to a personal 370-day geocaching streak. After all morning and afternoon hiking it was a 2-hour drive back home. I was at home for a couple hours and then into work for my mandatory, overnight, first of the month shift. 10pm-10am at work and then back home to clean up and fall asleep in a strange mans car…again. After so much time awake I fell asleep somewhere in Newark, Delaware to be awoken in Newark, NJ.

Our flights were Newark to Amsterdam to Kilimanjaro. 8 and 9-hour flights respectively, with about a 3 hour layover in Amsterdam. Not nearly enough time to partake in hashish and hookers. That would be at least a 10 day commitment. Everything could not have gone smoother. Thanks to my 2-day nonstop party I slept almost all of the time in the air. I read a bit, ate when they woke me to eat, but mainly snoozed. My favorite kind of traveling, it feels a lot like time traveling, or a hospital visit with a self-administered morphine pump. Fall asleep one place, wake up worlds away, ahhhh bliss. I fell asleep even before takeoff in NJ and woke up with a full stomach in Europe and then Africa. I don’t even remember changing planes. Not too shabby.

We landed in Kilimanjaro and were met by a man named Salapion aka SP. We did not know this at the time but he would soon become our new best friend. SP had a nice sign with our name on it, even spelled correctly. He gave us a ride to the Coffee Lodge in Arusha where we stayed for 2 nights. Our first day was completely dedicated to winding down, getting adjusted, taking minds off work related crap, and of course doing whatever Wifey wants.

First wild animal sighting

First wild animal sighting

We were welcomed to our room by our first wild animal sighting of the trip, a praying mantis being stalked by a lizard. Let the safari begin!

Here we sat, in Arusha Tanzania. Sipping coffee that was grown outside our front door, recouping after over 24 hours of travel, getting free Wi-Fi in a place I never expected, and wondering what life threatening adventure Wifey has in store for me. This is my first travel plan where I really have no idea what is happening and when. I know that scheduled somewhere in the next 2 weeks is an event that will lead to life insurance collection for Wifey.

It has been smooth traveling to get to this point. I have never felt safer on a plane. The plane out of Newark yesterday was over half full with Hasidic Jews. There were funny half hats, giant beards, curly fry hair, BO, and unflattering attire everywhere. The entire preflight orientation was spent moving Jewish men around because they can’t sit next to a strange woman. I guess it is true what they say, it is powerful. Strange is powerful enough to make you forget god. Wow, religions get dumber and dumber everyday I am alive. They spent 8 hours of the flight constantly getting up and down and simply wandering around the aisles. You might have thought the plane was a desert.

Still safe, still alive, and ready for an African Adventure! Some pics from the first couple days HERE.

No gorillas for us, colon dash open-parentheses

It is a sad story, and a long boring one, but we will not be able to go see the gorillas. That means that the gorilla hair situation will remain in disarray for at least another year. Our missionary work to help bring the mountain gorillas conditioner for their poor excuse of hairdos is being put on hold. Wifey is sad, but these things happen…even to the luckiest boy in the world and his trusty traveling through life companion. We had an amazing 2 weeks of safari in the Serengeti. Always a win for Team Sellers.
To use a term coined by a peeler friend of ours, at least there is no longer a chance of me getting aperaped, a thought that brings about a different kind of sadness.