Day 18 Londolozi – South Africa day 4
Up around five this morning. Robbie popped by at 5:30am with some coffee and biscuits. Off for this mornings game drive at 6am. Before we set out Jules came strolling up to the Land Rover with his gun out. He had it with him for protection, or simply to look awesome. Either way this became the opportunity we needed to get some pics of him with his gun out. He said he is camera shy, but then struck quite the pose and smile. Jules lies a lot. This morning it was us and the other couple from LA. Jerry was feeling much better after a nights sleep. This morning felt extremely eventful and the animals all seemed a bit more rammy and eager to do us harm or at least let us know whose house we are in. We saw our first gathering of giraffes. We have seen single giraffes a couple times, but never a group. Giraffes seemed to be one of the more skittish and camera shy animals. Most of the animals don’t give a care that we are in their business, watching, or taking pics. A few definitely flee the scene when they notice us approaching. The giraffes this morning hung around long enough to get some great shots, maybe some of my favorite shots of the trip. Of course who knows what they look like once I get them on a screen bigger than two inches. We saw several large groups of elephants today. These are the guys that were most rammy with us. They kept inching their way closer to us and Jules had to keep moving the Land Rover. Several times one showed aggression and screamed at us. Between instances of getting punked down by elephants we watched a couple younger elephants playing and/or fighting. They were tusk and trunk fighting. It was amazing to watch these giant beasts be so aggressive and gentle at the same time. When we finally left one of the large groups of elephants they actually chased us away, as if doing that “hold me back” thing that drunk guys do at parties.
Londolozi never stops being amazing and full of surprises. Yet another surreal surprise today. Around 9am I noticed that we had not yet stopped for our coffee break. Jules and Eckson usually stop after a couple hours to have a drink, coffee, tea, whatever and some cookies and muffins. Next thing I know we crest a hill and see some people off in the distance. I assumed it was another rover of people and we were going to a site with something to see. Turns out it was Kirsty and a couple of the chefs with an entire breakfast set up outside and ready. Breakfast was in the middle of the bush under the shade of a giant tree. They had a full breakfast, fresh and waiting for us. It was completely unexpected and mind blowing. It was the most amazing setting for a meal anywhere. We were in the middle of the bush with giraffes off in the distance as part of the landscape scenery. They may have been wondering whether to come steal our eggs. Londolozi creates realities that make my dreams look boring.
After breakfast another surprise…. we are walking back to camp. Yeah, walking. It was a fairly uneventful stroll. We saw a few animals, but mainly learned about a lot of the growth, tracks, and the landscapes. We ate some leaves that made our mouth numb.  I can’t get over this place. Everyday here has been something completely unimaginable and fantastic. We think they must have blown their wad on us by now. The rest of our days will have to be just standard safari days, which are still the greatest days we know.
When we walked back into our room at camp there was a lizard sleeping on my charging iPad, that doesn’t seem quite right.  Another afternoon nap. I seem unable to fend them off. Today is another day it warmed up significantly after a nice crisp morning air. We saw our first wild boar tonight at the beginning of the evening drive. Not for too long. He was covered in mud and took off running almost immediately. It was a sighting nonetheless. We saw the male leopard, Camp Pan, sleeping again tonight. So far we have seen leopards a couple times but always sleeping. Hopefully we will see them up and about before we leave. Saw a ton more elephants again tonight. After the impalas, elephants are the animals we have seen the most off. Nothing compares to the number of impalas. They call them jungle fast food. We also saw a big heard of elephants after sun down. In the pitch black there were elephants within a couple feet of our truck. They could have eaten us if they chose, and if they were not vegetarians.
The driving that Jules does in the Land Rover is mind-boggling. We have been truly off road a few times, but nothing like tonight. He was running over top and mowing down trees that were as big around as my leg. Definitely trees that a vehicle should not roll over top. Maybe a Sherman tank. I don’t think there is any chance I could ever go to a zoo again in my life. When we got back we ended up having yet another private dinner. The other couple had there special in-room dinner tonight, which left only Wifey and I on the deck of the lodge. They had the lanterns and candles out for a gorgeous atmosphere. Kirsty and Jabulani are the best. The only thing that interrupted our dinner were elephants, of course. Giraffes at breakfast, elephants at dinner. Who could ask for anything more?

A select few pics here.

Day 17 Londolozi – South Africa day 3
This mornings bush drive was another private one. Just us and Jules and Eckson. We are getting a service by accident that some people pay a super premium for. Another couple shows up this afternoon though, so that is all over and was brilliant while it lasted. The sunrise over the bush was again dramatic. There was mist off in the distance. We saw another large pack of elephants and their babies just after sunrise. They were eating which is about all they do. We saw the smallest elephant so far. It was not any bigger than Charlie, weighed more I’m sure, but not much bigger in size. We saw one of the lionesses this morning that we saw the other day. Today she was in charge of all five of the cubs and you could see and hear her annoyance at the situation. Apparently the other lioness was off shopping? The cubs were beyond adorable. I find it hard to believe they would not want or let me give them a good shooka shooka under the chin. We saw our first groups of monkeys today, baboons to be exact. There were a couple large groups gathered around a couple different big trees. They were either playing, or fighting, or raping, we were not sure. There was definitely at least one of each activity that happened while we watched them. The most impressive thing so far was the way the baboons scaled a tree. It was an absolute spectacle to see. They could go from ground level to 100 feet in the air in about five seconds.
Around the middle of the drive we crested a hill with a big valley then a rise to the top of the other side of the trail. The roadway was narrow and well tree lined. At the top of the other side of the valley we all saw a rhino at the same time. Then the rhino saw us. The rhino started running down the trail toward us. A second went by, no biggie, still coming. Another second it was much closer but still far away. Another second later Wifey opens her mouth with a bit of a panic and blurts out something unintelligible. Still charging, and fast. Then Jules throws the land rover in reverse and I could tell that he too had a real concern. At no point was I ever scared or panic. I was invested, thrilled, excited…for the life experience we were having, but fear never entered my mind. I guess my jaded life of “everything is a work” had me think that this was a set up and it happens all the time. Or maybe it was two guys in a rhino suit that Jules radioed ahead to, and they were part of the ride. Neither of those hypotheses are true, it was a rhino charging at our land rover. The actual amount of time was just long enough for me to take the lens cap off my camera, snap one shot, switch it to high speed shutter when I realized he was charging, and shoot off about another 5 or 6 which included the rhino skidding to a complete halt and creating a dust storm like a cartoon character. He never actually got too close, but it would have only taken another 3 seconds to get to us at the pace he was charging. During the aftermath Jules explained that was the first time a rhino has ever charged him. I found that hard to believe, but he insists it is true, you never know what is around the corner in the bush. Eckson never left the front spotter seat, which to me says there was no real danger. Speaking of Eckson, he gives me another indication of why this must be the greatest activity a human can participate. After twenty years on the job at Londolozi as a spotter/guide he still carries a camera and takes photos. A picture of Eckson taking pictures speaks a million words of how unbelievable this experience must be. It is a good thing Eckson and I were there to keep Jules and Wifey safe. The day we almost lost half our safari group if it was not for Eckson and Jimmy.
After the morning drive and breakfast we got cleaned up and then massages. One of the best massages I have had. On top of that it was outside on our deck with the sounds of nature all around. When the massages were over and we sat up, there was a pack of at least ten elephants only about 100 feet away in our “yard”.
Tonight’s game drive was great. We had company for the first time in two days. A couple from LA arrived today. They are traveling Africa for six weeks! We saw our first buffalo tonight. There were a handful of them around but we really never got close or great angles for any length of time. We have officially seen all of the big five game now. I hope we see buffalos better before we leave. They are an odd looking creature. The horns they have on their heads are unlike any other set of horns/antlers I have seen. It looks like some dumb hairdo toupee is glued to their skull. Either that or an awful middle school haircut parted in the middle and slicked down. Or maybe a Rollie Fingers mustache. They should be ashamed. We saw some giraffe bones the other day that Jules told us was from a kill nine months ago. Tonight he stopped at those bones and reconstructed the giraffe neck. It was quite disturbing and brilliant at the same time. We all had a nice chuckle. We saw a bunch more elephants tonight. A few were grazing on the right hand side of the jeep. Out of nowhere one decided to punk Wifey. That elephant mean mugged the crap out of Wifey, enough to make her jump up from her seat and let out a little squeal of some kind. Later, another was really close to the land rover eating a tree. We sat and watched her for while. All of a sudden she decided she did not like us there observing her and calmly made her way closer to the vehicle. Jules noticed this and started up the land rover. She then fell in behind him driving away slowly and started running. Not for too long, but long enough to give some of the sissier people a scare. Two elephant run-ins in one night?! Maybe they are not as cute and cuddly as Dumbo wants me to believe. So now a rhino and elephants have charged us at. Will the fun ever stop here at Londolozi?
When we got back this evening there was another surprise. Tonight they had a big outdoor dinner in the burma area for us, the new couple, Jules, and Kristie. It was amazing. Completely decked out with lanterns, fire pits, gorgeous outdoor bar, and cooking area. The food was tremendous. We had a lot of fun, good conversation, and a lot of laughs. Before desert the Londolozi ladies choir put on an African singing and dancing show for us. I got to use the phrase “you are snotty about your bush”. No job openings here for me.

A select few pictures here.

Day 16 Londolozi – South Africa Day 2
We were woken up at the butt crack…a lizard just ran past me in our room…of dawn, 5:30am. Robby knocked us up with a fresh pot of coffee and some small breakfast biscuits. We left for our morning game drive at 6am. It was still dark out, the sun had yet to rise.  It was quite chilly first thing in the morning. It did not start to warm up until we were back and having breakfast. It is wintertime here, they apparently had snow in JNB last week. It was all anyone could talk about. We watched the sun rise from the drive. It was glorious. I know this place isn’t a zoo, the animals are not in captivity, and they are free to come and go from the Londolozi and Sabi Sands area. There is something about it that still feels like a work. I know it is tremendously dangerous, but it doesn’t feel like that. The land rovers are always here following and watching. The animals know there is no threat from the noisy diesel powered machines that roam the landscape. That is why the guides can drive right up onto a couple lionesses and five cubs sleeping and nobody flinches. Something about that just doesn’t feel right. But because of this conditioning we are lucky enough to be able to watch the animals in their natural environment. The humans do not get involved at all. So far we have seen animals while they are being lazy or napping, but able to see them nonetheless. Jules is great. He is able to tell us about every animal. Not just the animal in general but specific animals. Since they see and follow the same animals from time to time, they actually name and track the families. They know that a certain lion is the son of another lion, that used to live north of here, but is now in Sabi Sands, it went to grammar school with the gay baboon and Tim the albino zebra…you get the picture. We saw hippos mating in a pond this morning. The weirdest part of that was after the pair were identified as mating, a third hippo popped out from below the surface of the water next to the mating couple. I’m not judging anyone, just saying.
We were lucky enough to ride both last night and this morning with the most pleasant couple, Jay and Nicki. They live in JNB now but are originally from the states, Chicago and Milwaukee. They moved to South Africa back in the 90’s after falling in love with it here. She has a safari tour operating company, www.exclusivelyafrica.com, and he is a maritime lawyer, defending pirates and whatnot. Having them with us for our first safaris was one of the most fortuitist things to ever happen for us. They know so much and were very chatty and helpful in several ways. The were indispensible for information, etiquette, and enjoying the overall experience. Talk about a small world, Nicki’s sister lives right around the corner from Bradford on the same lake is Cheesetown. That is ridiculous. It is enough to believe this world is not real and some type of program or game that is being played by an overall game master…Truman Show town. The only sad part is that I had to beat Jay at my first ever dung spitting contest. He has had years of practice and I came along and destroyed him. Apparently I am the new world champion of dung spitting…yes, dung spitting, it is exactly what it sounds like. We have been told that the absolute best time to go on safari in Africa is the end of August. Imagine our luck. Who would have thunk it. Thanks American legal system!
We took a walk to the gift shop they have here at Londolozi. When we opened our front door there were two bushbucks nibbling away at our front garden. Then during the walk we saw a cluster of vervet monkeys monkeying around. One that was on the highest branch of the tree almost shat upon Wifey.
This afternoon’s game drive was absolutely stellar. There is currently no one else staying here in our camp so we had a private drive today, just the two of us with Julius and Eckson. Talk about being lucky and living in luxury. It is amazing how drastically the temperature changed here today. Cold this morning, long sleeve and pants, and then super hot, Africa hot, this afternoon. And this is their wintertime. First thing we stumbled upon was a lady giraffe. I know this because they have smaller horns and still have tufts of hair on the top. The hair is still there because they don’t do any horn fighting. Next we scouted out some crocodiles and watched them sun bathe for a bit. We saw so many elephants today, too many to count. Mostly mommy elephants with their babies. Elephants only have one baby at a time like humans. Then another pond where we saw a bunch of hippos clustered together. It looked like the beginning of a hippopotamus rugby game scrum. After we giggled at the hippos for a while we saw what I believe was our first rhinoceros. I recently learned that the horn on their heads is not a bone but actually tightly wound hair. However I forgot that fact when tested by Jules and looked like an idiot according to Wifey. The ornamentals are apparently poaching the rhinos because they think that the horn hair is an aphrodisiac. Bunch of weirdos. The rhino started running. Running rhinos are hysterical. They are so giant that it looks fake. It looks like two men in a rhino suit that can’t get coordinated trying to run away from a ghost in a cartoon. Seeing most of these animals do anything looks faked to me. It is both so natural and unnatural at the same time. Natural for them, yet nothing like anything I have ever seen before. So it all looks fake, like people in suits or the robot animals at Showtime Pizza. We had the best time today. I think my newest calling in life is to be a wildlife photographer. I know it is a long shot but with enough practice I think I could get good.
We came home tonight after the evening drive to a surprise from Londolozi. When we got into the room there was a beautiful note explaining we would be having a private dinner tonight outside on our deck. Then the letter was surrounded in rose petals that fell to the floor and started a trail of rose petals through our entire room and into the bath. In there was a hot drawn bubble bath all ready for us. Absolutely the most amazing treatment we have ever experienced anywhere else on the planet. It caused my wanner to get buckbushed.

A select few pictures here.

Continuation of day 14
We arrived at the Nice Airport right at 4am, just as it was opening up. We were 2 of only a handful of living souls floating around there this morning. Customer service for Air France did not open until 4:30am, so we waited right in front of the counter. Someone called us up almost immediately at 4:30am. There were 2 people working the counter this morning, and we were the only customers at that time of the day. We received the benefit of 2 helpful people. I went up with low expectations and walked away with a big smile and a new found love for an airline that I thought had just put a bid D in my A. They canceled a major international and important flight just 20 hours before takeoff. Air France put us on a flight to Amsterdam and then on to JNB later tonight. We left for Amsterdam almost immediately. We will actually be in JNB 12 hours earlier than or original schedule. This is a million times better than arriving 14 hours later than scheduled and long after a flight that may have been just for the Sellers clan. In my head I was figuring the worst is that we may have had to be driven from JNB to the game reserve. It’s a two-hour flight so not sure how long of a drive. It ended up working out better for us, as usual. But it has been a while since I panicked and freaked out about anything so it was good to get that out of my system.
Sometime during the flight I got up to pee and looked out the windows at the rear of the plane. Below was so obviously the Sahara Desert. I didn’t know it for sure, but it was as obvious as flying over snow-capped mountains, you just know what they are. I can’t believe that brown desert could possibly be so distinguishable from 35k feet. I got back to my seat and confirmed it was the Sahara with the in flight GPS map that was built into the back of the head of the person sitting in the row in front of me.  We landed in JNB safely and on time. Luckily for us there is hotel right across the street from the airport, walking distance. It is by far the closest hotel I have ever seen to an airport. Hopefully we will get air France or the travel insurance to pay for our night at the hotel. We got a great night sleep, like corpses.

Day 15 South Africa
That’s right, Africa. Woke up after a fantastic night sleep and had breakfast. Went over to the airport only to find that nobody there had ever heard of the airline we were looking for. Turns out that is because it is a private charter airline and we had to go outside of the airport to meet up with them. We figured it out quick enough. It makes perfect sense…we had to go to the bus terminal to catch an airplane flight. The worst part of missing our original flight and coming in early was that we missed a guy standing at the gate with a sign that had our name on it, like celebrities. So we staged this picture. Turns out the flight to Londolozi was a private charter service. The flight we were on was more like a shuttle. It made a total of three stops and we were the third. The airstrips were all private and some were nothing more than dirt and rock. We had to take off and land three different times in a tiny plane. It was a Cessna that held 10 passengers at most, only 6 today. Wifey was pretty stressed out about it. She hung in there like a big girl. Before we even landed the first time we saw long neckers and grey fatsos from the plane.
We were the last people off the plane. The landing strip was right at the place we are staying. The treatment, presentation, and accommodations are all so far unparalleled. Way more than anything we deserve. This is quite the place. We didn’t expect today to be much but we already went out on a 3 o’clock game drive. The fact that they took us out on a game drive the same afternoon we arrived was simply a precursor to the unbelievable commitment Londolozi has to customer happiness.   It was unreal. Maybe the best thing either of us has ever done. We were out long after sunset, in the pitch black by the light of only a splinter moon and a spotlight. We saw giraffe, baby elephants, lionesses and 5 cubs, male lion, zebras, and tons of impalas and wildebeests. The lion cubs were playing so cutely. One was eating his mama’s tail while she was sleeping and she woke up grumpy about that. In hindsight we are both so glad that our plans out of Monte Carlo changed and we ended up in JNB the day before. Getting a good night sleep was a huge benefit. Had we shown up after and overnight flight we might not have been able to enjoy our first day here nearly as much as we did. But again, we don’t typically expect much on check in day. Our guide for the entire week is Julius. So far he is great. He is a true local to this area. The food we ate so far has been delicious. Everyone treats us like we are royalty. I understand they are getting paid for it, but it is amazing. We had our first nights dinner with Julius. He gave us the lowdown on our upcoming week, and a lot of information about the local area and people. I was enthralled, so much more interested than I would have ever imagined. We heard hippos yelling while we were eating dinner and an Aussie guy showed us how to do the hippo dance. There is mosquito netting around our bed just like in the movies, but luckily it is not mosquito season in the winter.

A select few pictures here.

Day 12 Disembark and Monte Carlo
Today was quite a busy and eventful day. It started by disembarking from the Seabourn boat. Eff that place. No we go back to being regular, unknown people. It is amazing how the staff on the boat knows every ones names. Whether you meet them on day one or the very last day, the entire staff can greet you by first and or last name. We were able to walk from the boat docks to our hotel in a few minutes, quite convenient. We dropped off our luggage and set forth on a walking journey to make the Jews applaud. We went to the Prince’s Palace and watched the changing of the guards at 11:55am sharp. Apparently that is the big tourist attraction thing to do. After that we took the tour of the inside of the Prince’s Palace.
We rode another Le Petit Train around Monaco. Wifey loves these. Wifey tried to enquire about diving but the only place we found insisted that she have a medical doctors certification. Weirdest thing I’ve heard in a while. We found the one place in the country that dives and made the pilgrimage to their location. It was quite far from anywhere we planned to go. The way I see it, if they don’t advertise diving as a tourist activity, and it is that hard just to find a diving club, it is probably not the kind of place a traveler passing through would want to dive. So she isn’t diving again and was bummed about that. Later we went to the aquarium and oceanography museum. Compared to the glitz, glamour, pomp and circumstance, styling, and profiling ways of Monte Carlo, the aquarium was pretty ghetto. We were both disappointed.
We found five geocaches along the way today. There are a lot of them here. There is one series of caches that runs all along the Grand Prix circuit. When it was time to go back to the hotel we took the city bus. We missed our stop, got lost, and rode it back around to where we should have gotten off. The hotel is pretty swanky. The room is really big and the view is remarkable. It looks out right over the harbor and into the Mediterranean Sea. It also looks right down into several yachts. We can see right into the rooms and swimming pools (yes swimming pools) of these yachts docked here.  We decided to have dinner here at the hotel. I don’t know if food is actually worth what they charge for it here. Starvation and/or cannibalism seem like realistic options.

Day 13 Monte Carlo
It’s hard to believe that the view from our hotel room is yachts with servants walking around. Today was spent as a lazy day wandering around Monte Carlo. We walked from one corner to the other corner of this tiny country. Mostly we wandered around The Casino and the high dollar shopping sections. We found a few geocaches while wandering and didn’t find a few. We took a tour of The Casino before it opened. Casino’s in Monte Carlo do not open until 2pm. It cost ten euro to get inside but you can go into all the rooms, private included, and take pictures. Private rooms and pictures are a no-no during the hours of operation. One of the private rooms is awesome. It looks out over the Mediterranean Sea with cool orange colored tables. This is definitely where James Bond played. I can tell you from experience, nothing tastes more delicious for lunch than a $30 hamburger. In the ritzy shops area we saw a dog walk into a shopping mall…just swaggered right into the stores. It must be his owner’s birfday and he is buying presents.
Every car in Monte Carlo is a stunner. Mercedes followed by BMW followed by Audi followed by Ferrari followed by Porsche with an occasional Lamborghini, Bentley, Jaguar, and Smart Cars mixed in. Even the taxis are luxury automobiles.
The second half of today can only be described as complete failure. I dropped Wifey off to go out alone. I was unsuccessful at finding several geocaches. That alone made me feel like a loser. Early in the evening we found out our flight to JNB was canceled. I immediately panicked and was unsure of what to do. I did a bunch of quick, unproductive research on the internets. It seems like the best we can do is go to JNB the next day and miss a day of safari. Our connecting flight out of JNB goes directly to a landing strip at the place we are staying in South Africa. I have no idea how often that flight goes. It is a charter flight, not a regular scheduled flight. I tried to calm myself down, but I legitimately freaked out for a few minutes. I tried to make this wonderful trip for Wifey, and now it is all falling apart. And falling apart at the time she was looking forward to the most is about to start. We have no real way to contact anyone. It was late at night and we have no phones anyway. We ended up buying a calling card. I had to travel all the way to 1975 to get one, but at least we had it. We decided to try to calm down, cool off, and go out to The Casino hoping to rekindle our good times. I was surprised to find out that even though I just traveled back to 1975, The Casino would not take the travelers checks I brought to gamble with. Gambling here was the ONLY reason I bought travelers checks. We ended up leaving without having done any gambling or rekindling any fun. It was probably a good idea that we did not gamble, our luck was shit today. I guess we can’t win everything.
After getting back from The Casino we decided to simply try to get to Paris ASAP, and then hopefully on to JNB. We originally were going to take the helicopter ride from Monte Carlo to the airport in Nice, France. It seemed like a novel and fun idea. We had to cancel that plan and decided to just pack up and leave for the airport in Nice immediately. I was hoping we would have traveled by all methods of transport on this trip. After canceling the helicopter that won’t happen. We did planes, boats, cars, trains, busses, and bikes…everything but a helicopter.
About 3:30am we got a cab and headed to the airport. We were hoping to get to Paris early and then just suck up the fees and pay whatever to get to JNB in time for our charted flight. That flight felt like one we could not afford to miss. Hopefully our travel insurance would cover whatever additional costs we incurred. I completely failed as a husband, provider, and August 2012 Holiday travel guide today.

A select few pictures here.

Day 11 Ile de Porquerolles, and island that is part of France
Today was an unexpectedly excellent day, as unfortunate as it actually was. I had no hopes for this stop and assumed it would be another relaxing, do nothing, boat day. Wifey felt the same way. After breakfast we decided to take the obligatory boat ride to the island so we can at least say we set foot on the land. As soon as our tender docked Wifey started feeling not so good. She wanted to head back almost immediately. She gave me the permission to stay longer if I wanted. One thing I noticed right away was that the bike rental shops had decent looking Trek and Specialized bikes with hydraulic disc breaks and front shocks.  I checked the geocache machine and there were three on the island, at all the corners except the one we were dropped off at. With her permission I got her back to the tender, hired a bike for the day, and proceeded to commence my (unfortunate) solo geocache island adventure of the day. There was a reason the rental joints had decent bikes, the entire island is nothing but awesome biking and hiking trails! Everybody was either walking or biking with their family, picnic baskets, baguettes, towels, blankets, no bikini tops, and wine. Destination…all points of the island to relax on one of the many beaches. Inside of the outer road that circumferenced the island was a ton of legitimate biking trails. I could not believe it. I was legitimately riding decent bike trails in the middle of the French Riviera on some unheard of (by me) island. It was such an unexpected treat. It could have only gotten better if there was a hidden snow covered mountain with a lift that rides to the top. This island defines what I expected to see in the Riviera. Gorgeous views off the coast into the sea, people relaxing and enjoying life, and boats everywhere.

I ended up finding all three geocaches that are on this island. Once again thank you geocaching. I saw places I never would have been if it were not for this activity. At three different times today I was on the top of an ancient fortress. Each fortification was a stronghold for looking out into the sea from the edge of the island. Originally used for keeping a look out for pirates and other ne’er do wells. They were located on three of the four corners of this island. As sad as I am that Wifey was not 100%, I had an amazing time.

Tonight is the last night on the boat. Time to pack up, say our good byes and get ready to spend a couple nights in Monte Carlo. Hopefully they let me in and once there hopefully I find a way to rock it James bond style! I am so self-conscious around these hoytie toytie peeps that I bought a pair of five euro black shoes to wear to dinners. I never thought I would fall victim to such an act. I actually almost shaved too. The shoes are definitely getting left behind as an act of protest.

A select few photos here.

Day 9 Mahon Menorca Spain
Not much happening in this port town. It seems like a really small place that is only operating because of the tourism brought in by the cruise boats. That is the way with many cruise stops. These are not my favorite type of places. We wandered aimlessly for a few hours. There are some extremely nice shopping areas and great scenic vista points. We found one geocache during our mindless meandering. We got back on the boat about midday for another restful afternoon of almost nothing.  I mean nothing but napping. Wifey tripped and fell over her own foot today. She hurt her ankle but luckily a hospital visit was not necessary. In my opinion that is such an amateur holiday injury. Today was leisurely and relaxing. Nothing major to report, like many other cursing days. Barcelona stands out like no other cruising days. Tomorrow we are back in France.
There are always things that happen that are so hysterical at the time, but get lost as the brain has to push out old memories to make room for the new ones. Here is a list of fun things that we need to remember: Two Zoltans, Enda the poon hound, Dag Dagerstein the Captain that only fits the suit, big man waiting in our bed after dinner, and Esther: Lamont Sanford’s mother/father.

Day 10 Porte Vendres and Collioure France
Today turned out much better than expected. What we expected as another typical port day became quite an awesome adventurous day. We took a ride on Le Petit Train to Collioure, France. It was a beautiful drive along the coastline to Collioure and then back inland through all the vineyards and mountains and views of the sea and harbor. We found 4 geocaches while out and about today. Thank you geocaching for the hike! We went on a hike that we never would have found without geocaching. We ended up in places that no tour group, maps, or cruise guides would have taken us. We ended up in beautiful spots that were truly only known by locals. One spot was an amazing scenic viewpoint at the top of a hill with the harbor on one side and the sea on the other.
I dropped Wifey back at the boat, and had about an hour until the boat departed. There was one more geocache that I wanted to try and grab. I jogged all the way to the top of a hill. It was the opposite direction away from the harbor that Wifey and I had explored earlier in the day. This hill was again between the harbor and the sea with a great scenic view. Another place not on the tour maps. I found the geocache and made it back to the boat with time to spare. It was quite an exhilarating feeling that a boat might leave me in a foreign country because I wanted to go find one more geocache. There is no feeling like I might get left behind, the clock is ticking, Wifey awaiting my safe return…like an episode of 24 running through my head. Jack Bauer has nothing on me.
The Maître D’ tricked us tonight into having dinner with two other couples. They knew we were solo loners and hate everyone else. We turned down dinners the first couple nights so they stopped asking/inviting us. We had quite a pleasant time. We need to remember that we don’t actually hate everyone else no matter how much we insist that we do. Our dining companions were couples from the UK and Louisiana. She was beekeeper, which is a real thing.  The old man from Louisiana told us the rumors that some of the boat staff got pick pocketed and beat up the other night while out on the town in Barcelona. We later confirmed that this was both true and false. It happened, but the story was not nearly as interesting as the old man passed along. This old fella also told us a story about a cruise he was on in the past that also finished in Monte Carlo. He said there was a big hold up because several of the people on the cruise were not cleared to enter Monte Carlo. That got me worrying, since I recently had troubles simply entering Canader, I wonder what Monte Carlo will think of me. I sure hope they let me in…

A select few pictures here.

Day 7 Barcelona, Spain.
It won’t take much more for Barcelona to spring board to the top of my favorite places. We have only spent one day here and I really like it so far. Today we did our first (and only) of the boat provided excursions. We signed up for a biking through Barcelona tour. It was great, a lot of fun, very informative, and biking is a great way for us to see new places. Biking around all of the places we have been is what we should have been doing every day of this trip. Maybe today started a new tradition and we will do it every day after today. We are still here in Barcelona tomorrow and plan to hire bikes on our own to see a lot more of the city than we did during todays bike ride. We did not see that much of Barcelona, but what we did see was amazing. Barcelona is a great combination of ancient buildings with history and modern buildings with new stories and luxury.  We wandered around for several more hours after the bike ride. We saw a tiny dog with the biggest swingingest dick. I have never seen a dog with so much confidence. He has such a package that it just flopped out from underneath him, side to side, out both sides of his body as he walked. After we stopped following and staring at this 7^th wonder of a dog we went into a museum. It was built on top of 2000 year old ruins that were discovered fairly recently. The history of this city seems extremely more interesting than most other places. Barcelona is right on the Mediterranean Sea with marvelous beaches. However until recently (probably the Olympics), they never acknowledged the sea was there. They had their “backs to the sea”…that is their expression. Barcelona was mainly an industrial town. I never thought I would have enjoyed some place in Spain as much as I did. We are here overnight so hopefully we are going out for authentic paella for dinner, somewhere the tourists don’t go, ha. Even at 3pm a lot of stuff here is still closed. Most things open around 5pm we were told. Some areas were these ancient tiny desolate streets with shops that were just not open for the night yet. At 9am this morning, the beginning of our bike tour, we had the entire streets to ourselves. Everyone was still sleeping. Siestas are a legitimate thing here. Wifey is enjoying the fact that siestas are so well accepted. I do my best to fight them off.
I finished a couple more books about cameras so far this trip. Stupid Matt Urban.
We found 2 geocaches today and looked for several more. Geocaches are hard to find here because of the combination of poor satellite reception and the language barrier. All the streets are tiny and the buildings tower over most areas not letting the sunlight (or satellites) get to the ground.
We went out for dinner and had authentic paella, it was scrum-diddly-umptious! We also found gay-town while we were out tonight. That seems to happen everywhere we go. This town is really hopping at night. We stayed out until eleven which is unheard of for this elderly couple (half elderly anyway). Also found one more geocache while out wandering around at night.

Day 8 Barcelona, Spain day 2.
I would love to stay in Barcelona a few more days. Sleep has not evaded us this trip. We slept in later than I planned. We went straight to a bike rental shop and that is how we spent the day. We covered more ground but didn’t have much time to see many things. We did the one thing Wifey wanted to do, visit the Familia Sagrada church. We also went to the museum of Casa Batllo. My new favorite human Antoni Gaudi designed both the church and the Casa Batllo. I plan to learn and read much more about him in the future. He made a church, kind of a church so far, that even I would go to.  Barcelona has a great service of providing bikes to the locals that is unique, from what I have seen. It is called Bicing and it seems awesome. It costs 30 euros per year to be a member. They have bike stations all over the city. You can just grab one and then leave it wherever your destination is. Seems like a fantastic service. We couldn’t use it though, so we had to get a daily rental of a couple bikes made in 1925. Wifey went back to the boat a bit earlier than I did. She had an appointment. I continued to cruise around town on my awesome bicycle and found a couple geocaches, met some locals, and kept a guarded eye on my wallet.

A select few pictures are here.

Day 6

Sanary Sur-Mer France. This was the next stop on the Riviera. It is a gorgeous seaside town. The harbor was so adorable and full of every color in the rainbow, the kind of place you wished you could take a bit of because you know it would be tasty. The homes are built up the cliffs sides that overlook the Mediterranean. Must be an awful way to live, waking up with that view every morning. We were only anchored here for a few hours. It was only long enough for us to get a quick stroll around. On our tender ride from the boat to the harbor the tender driver got scolded for going too fast through the harbor. Seabourn, will you ever learn? We came to a very important conclusion today. This may sound racist (or frenchist), but every French person actually does walk around with a baguette under his or her arm. Some bikes even have a baguette attachment. Also, French dogs look French and at least one smokes. We saw a cute dog named Luna go for a swim today. It is fairly obvious why it is called doggie paddling. We looked for one geocache today with no luck. We spent probably an hour over 2 different attempts. Of all things it was a scuba diving related geocache. That was a pretty hard pill for Wifey to swallow. This is the saddest part of the trip so far. Update: geocache was missing, so we were looking for something that was not there. Team Sellers always wins in the end.

Tonight’s dinner on the boat was the chef’s tasting menu. Delicious. I enjoyed it very much. One of the courses was a sorbet palate cleanser with a splash of Sambuca. Apparently Sambuca is a black licorice tasting liquor. I brought this up to the waiter. He explained to us that Sambuca is an anise (pronounced anus) liquor. The language barrier had this conversation going nowhere. I insisted on telling people this story and that our definitions of anus liquor must be quite different. I planned to do this until I got thrown off this boat. I am still here and nobody else laughed except for my low-rent party of two.

A few pictures here.

Day 3
First stop on the boat is Portoferrai Italy. It is on the island of Elba, which is the island Napoleon was exiled. It was quite the beautiful little port town. I am sure the whole island is nice but we didn’t get to see much. We spelt until 10am by accident. Once we rose and shone we walked around for a few hours. We saw neatly arranged old buildings and streets. We descended down onto a tiny rock beach and walked in the water. The water and view were stellar. It was a locals beach I believe. Not many people were there, and it was at least a million steps down to get to the water and beach. It really was one of those places that people might call a hidden gem. It was on the opposite side of the island from where the boat docks. So it was a bit out of the way for everyday tourists. I have spent a lot of time learning, playing, and constantly messing with this new camera. So far so good. Hopefully the pictures will turn out OK. So far I really enjoy the learning curve, as long as we have decent pictures to show for it in the end. It has been a long time since I actually gained enjoyment out of learning. On our way back to the boat we found our first geocache of this trip.

Day 4
La Spezia Italy. It is amazing that on a boat of 200 guests every single employee of the boat can know that we are Mr. and Mrs. Sellers. We do nothing to stand out or fit in. We don’t socialize with the wine drinking, dinner invites, happy hour, tea, palates, or anything I can think of. Yet somehow they all know our name. That must be the sign of true first class service.  Not much happened today. A very lounging day. We walked around the town of La Spezia for a while. It is a very shopping orientated town, so that is fun for about 20 minutes. Nothing much else happened, not the most memorable of ports. We found 2 geocaches today. One in a phone booth and another in a cannon that took us 2 tries to find.

Day 5
Cannes France.  Wifey found a dive boat with her keen eye so she went for a dive. I strolled around Cannes like a tourist with my camera and best looking “I’m a tourist” hat on. While she dove I went for as swim in the sea alone. The water was amazing blue and warm. There were naked boobies out everywhere. Unfortunately, none of them were worth getting in trouble for staring. Cannes seems pretty great. They really boast a lot about their film festival, as well they should. I’d love to go to a film festival one day. Maybe Telluride. There are blocks and blocks, probably miles, of every fancy name brand I have ever heard of. None of them mean much to me, but just the sound of the store names makes chicks go crazy. I do like knowing there are expensive shoes called Jimmy Choo. That makes me feel like I can still someday do something with my life. Something meaningful, that can really help this world. Wifey said her dive was not so great. She described it as fairly uneventful and far from the best. She was just extremely happy to be under water for an hour, and in France to boot. That is an odd thing for a human being that is not Aquaman to say. We took a train ride for an hour through Cannes that gave us a fun tour with some history. Turns out that Wifey is a big fan of Le Petit Trains. They are a better than average way to see more than self-population would show me. We had dinner off the ship tonight since the boat didn’t leave until 11pm. I ordered foie gras for what I think is the first time ever, muscles, and fish. All quite out of character for me. I simply asked our waitress what the best things they made we’re and ordered those things. My dinner had an entire head and watched me eat him, and punished me by having bones. We found a guy named lazy bones. He is a trackable geocache. He was located at one of 2 that we found today. The first was at the top of the town looking down over all of creation. The other was in the middle of the town at a busy intersection. Luckily everyone was too busy paying $8000 for a shirt to notice what I was doing. We need to decide where we are putting lazy bones next. Either Spain or back home to the USA.

Fun note about today…there was an ornamental guy on Wifey’s dive boat with a tattoo in the English language that said, “the opportunity garsp is in our hands”. I hope this is the equivalent of all the knuckleheads with ornamental writing tattoos who tell you it is the Chinese symbol for peace, love, prosperity, etc… I have always hoped that the tattoo artist played a joke and those symbols actually mean “I blow goats” or “I love divorces.” I wish I had gotten a photo, but he was just out of camera range. I did manage to fit this guy from the boat into frame:

Newest photos of these days are here.